"I can't find a way outta here.....I'm all alone and again...I like what she said...but not what it means..."

I just ran 4 miles in 40.30. I can do better, but its a hell of a lot faster than I ran it a few days ago.

God I needed that as well.

Its fair to say I've been fairly irritable all day.

I think other than when I was at the gym today - the only other time I didn't think about smoking non-stop was during a 30 mins phone call where I was flirting my ass off. And I probably shouldn't have been.

But I probably needed that as well.

And I'm sitting outside on my deck, listening to (shockingly) Counting Crows, its hot and sunny, and I can see a packet of cigarettes that I left out on the deck last night. And not one part of me wants to pick them up and smoke one of them.

It is going to get a hell of a lot easier than today was. And as long as I don't get fat - I don't really care what I have to do to get through this. Sex is usually the way I try. But there really isn't one boy right now that I want to have sex with. Which really is very depressing.

xxxx K